Life’s complex issues have an origin in something simple—the swirling waters of human emotion and feelings. Whether it is to do with family relationships or national Farm Acts, the Gangotri appears to be similar. If the players do a root cause analysis, they will find solutions also in those swirling waters: an admission of error, an apology, some give and take and so on. Here is an allegorical story to illustrate.
Deep amidst the swaying, evergreen coconut groves of the south nestled a traditional little town called Nallakudi, which means ‘Good Home’ in Tamil. The soil had been nurtured for centuries with the cool, alluvial waters of the Kaveri river. The people of this area had grown up with soothing and rich Carnatic music of Thyagaraja. Nallakudi’s forebears had experienced great cultural traditions since the days of the Marathas of Thanjavur.
Nallakudi was home to a first family known as the Krishna Family. For many generations, the members of Krishna Family were perceived by fellow-townsmen as being educated, forward-thinking and cultured. Their conduct inevitably guided and influenced other families of Nallakudi.
However, in recent times, strange happenings from within this family spread all over the town. The calm and idyllic Nallakudi was seized with mysterious discord and unrest. As it so often happens in such matters, developments spiraled so much out of control that the real problem became totally unclear. The situation was ripe for fierce debates with lame facts.
There existed many assertions and believed truths, mentioned in whispers in the markets, the temple precincts, and other places where the townspeople congregated. The stories propagated were as embellished as the facts were sparse. Fact seemed like fiction, so also the converse. Stories and emotions gradually guided town people to take extreme positions about whatever each one perceived as the controversy. The untruths and how they spread were a mysterious phenomenon.
The current senior of the Krishna Family had four sons. They, in turn, had their individual families, the numbers adding to a total of twenty members. In the years gone by, as the land got divided among the descendants, the families lived in contiguous houses—independent, yet together. Over the last several years, through a family agreement, a four storied building of flats was constructed.
Each nuclear family stayed in one flat. All the flats were occupied by members of the family and no non-family member resided in the building. To manage and administer that large building, the senior of the family was appointed as the chief of the clan; however, this was a titular position due to the incumbent’s advancing age and his diminishing faculties. Nobody took him seriously, though the whole family was deferential to him due to his position and age.
The eldest son, Suraj, managed business matters, and, on behalf of the senior, he was charged to manage family harmony among the rapidly expanding and modernizing family. Suraj was accepted as the de facto head.
Suraj’s manner had all the bearings of a patrician. He expressed himself very articulately and had firm views on various matters. In fact, he was perceived by some family members as being condescending towards fellow family members. Suraj had married an educated and energetic girl called Chand, who hailed from nearby city. Of all the ladies of the family, Chand was an active member; she could understand and engage on substantive family and business issues. Others participated but Chand and Suraj were the key influencers in all family matters. The younger three brothers, along with their wives and families, played a supportive and lower-key role.
Chand and Suraj used to be an effective team. They worked well, though with their occasional differences as happens usually. Suraj looked after things outside of the house— aggregating the earned money of all members, paying the workers’ salaries, managing the bills, and arranging community memberships. Chand looked after the home matters, supervised the servants, allocated duties among family members and arranged for the home supplies. Their respective tasks evolved over many years of their working together, and, barring the odd transgression, each kept to his or her domain.
There was a contingent of domestic workers to serve such a large family. Managing this workforce efficiently was Chand’s responsibility and she did a superb job of it. Every morning she allocated tasks and enquired about every worker’s well-being. In general, Chand radiated positive energy all around and was the livewire in the Krishna Family. And then the peace was disturbed…..
An issue about the salaries of the workers had been simmering. The members of Krishna Family were committed to the happiness and prosperity of their workers. After all, the family would feel severely disadvantaged without the teamwork of their workers. The issue simmered on account of the changing mind-sets between Chand and Suraj as they both grew older.
Several years earlier when the income of the joint family was limited and the expenses were growing, Suraj would request restraint on the domestic expenditure. At that time, Chand was focused on handsomely remunerating the workers to ensure retention of workers and to get work done by them. After all, the workers were her responsibility.
As times changed, their roles inter-changed. The family income had grown, and the expenses ceased to sharply climb. Suraj became a bit more liberal about workers’ salaries while Chand wished to control. Chand’s aim was to remain in line with what she perceived as market rates.
Suraj was influenced by the advance of staff salaries in nearby towns as standards of living improved. When the family’s ability to pay better occurred, he relaxed his views on keeping workers’ salaries low. He often opined that their domestic staff should be better paid since the family could now afford to do so. On her part, Chand was increasingly influenced by the wages in Nallakudi an assessment which she periodically made by consulting with the neighbors. She was highly sensitive to possible criticism by fellow-townspeople about her pushing up the market for workers’ salaries.
With the passage of time, Chand perceived Suraj as becoming unilateral and disinclined to discuss issues. On his part, Suraj thought Chand was becoming a bit tyrannical on certain issues. Chand and Suraj made a few attempts to discuss the subject of worker salaries, but not only was there no agreement, the atmosphere tended to acquire a tinge of acrimony. Gradually they both felt it wise to stop discussing the subject. Chand firmly believed that retaining the committed workers was her turf. To her, it was natural that she would be the decision-maker regarding their salaries and other matters of their well-being.
Suraj desired to intrude without being obviously intrusive. His dilemma was that the family tradition to discuss and arrive at consensual decisions—but this one was not achieving consensus. Each would independently recall puranic tales and mythology to mine some clever solution to this conflict about workers’ salaries.
One day, Suraj got a brainwave. He was in-charge of salary payment, so why could he not exercise that authority to decide salaries? Suraj convinced himself that worker compensation fell within his purview. With flourish and great drama, he announced an increase of wages by 20%, arguing that it was a fantastic benefit for their servants.
Chand got deeply upset that this was done without the consultation and consensus that had always characterized the family matters. Chand’s protest was loud and known to everybody in the family. Chand was unhappy on three counts—first, that neighbors would resent the action and turn cold towards her family; second, that Suraj had blatantly intruded into her domain; third, that while the idea itself was not bad, it was not implemented at the right time and in the right context. Chand was heard to mutter,” I am irked by the ‘how’ of the decision, rather than the ‘what’ of the decision.”
Chand appealed to the senior of the family, seeking his help to arbitrate on whether Suraj had intruded into her domain. However, being too weak to exercise any judgment on the matter, the senior failed to get involved.
Other family members expressed their views in a discreet and hushed manner. Therefore, their view was assumed to be a silent agreement with the decision taken already. However, such silence usually does not amount to concurrence as evidenced by mythological stories. In the Mahabharata, when Duryodhana and Shakuni decided to dishonor Draupadi in the court, Bhishma and Vidura remained silent. Their silence was assumed to be an approval, but this view was not necessarily correct.
The Krishna Family workers were happy, though they were concerned to note the dissension within the family. The dissension in the family became the subject of gossip all over the town. The Krishna Family was sensitive to this development.
The workers in the town expected a similar raise, which was not forthcoming. They started to get upset with their masters. The workers were divided among themselves and said all sorts of unsavory things about one another. Great unrest started to build about the negative influence that the Krishna Family was having in the township.
Parallels were imagined with mythological situations: about how Dasharatha took a unilateral decision to send Sri Rama to the forest when faced with a demand by his youngest wife, Kaikeyi, without consulting the senior wives, Kausalya and Sumitra. The consequence of Dasharatha’s unilateral decision, as was well known, turned out to be quite catastrophic.
Suraj was convinced that by raising the salaries of his workers, he was benefitting their own workers, and, in due course, the worker community in the town. The other families in the town felt aggrieved that they now faced an additional financial burden because of the dramatic decision announced by the Krishna Family.
The workers in the township hoped for similar higher salaries, which was not forthcoming. They contemplated a mild form of unified protest. There arose confusion and disagreement among themselves. Some thought that they could earn more through showing unity in demanding equality of wages with the workers of the Krishna family. Some others thought that they may lose their jobs because their masters could not afford to pay them more. Suddenly there was turmoil. It was unclear what the real problem was and how to solve it.
Suraj got increasingly convinced that his action would benefit all the workers, so he refused to reverse his decision. However, he made what he considered to be a generous offer—to temporarily stall the implementation of his decision while a family council could consider Chand’s objections. Chand was infuriated. She was adamant that Suraj should withdraw his dramatic announcement. After that, the family could engage in discussions—which should have been conducted amiably in the first instance.
In short, relationships in the Krishna Family as well as in the township were in turmoil. Acrimony crept into all layers of the town society—those for and those against. People were getting more and more roiled. Paradoxically, each person perceived the cause of the turmoil differently.
However, on one point, many were agreed. The initiative must emanate from the head of the family, Suraj, since his task was to keep the family together, not to win a point over his wife. Suraj should show more empathy and less ego.
Human relationships and disputes are complex and this one appeared like an enigma wrapped in a real riddle. The lesson was that a family discussion and accommodation were essential before doing anything substantial. Time spent in talking things over is never a waste of time.
